Wednesday’s edition of the Mail Online has the headline: “Meghan Markle’s children’s book The Bench is branded ‘bland’, ‘shallow’ and ‘uninspired’ by US readers as it fails to move past number 100 on Amazon’s bestseller list after being met with abysmal reviews in the UK.”

The article was written by Charlie Lankston for the Daily Mail and Harriet Johnston for the Mail Online.

“The debut book by the Duchess of Sussex 39, was inspired by a poem she wrote for Prince Harry’s first Father’s Day the month after Archie was born, and explores the ‘special bond between father and son’ as ‘seen through a mother’s eyes’. 

However readers on both side of the pond were left very unimpressed by the $18.99 tome, with one children’s librarian in the US slamming it as having ‘no characters, no fun, no adventure.  I’m a children’s librarian, and I’m chagrined this book will now be part of our library. It is not a book for children,’ the person wrote, before opining that the book was only ever published because of Meghan’s celebrity status.

They went on: ‘It’s barely a book at all actually, just a set of poorly-rhyming platitudes on how to parent. I would be shocked if anyone gave this 5 stars if the author was an anonymous person (actually, the book wouldn’t have gotten published at all). 

‘It distresses me that Meghan (excuse me, “the duchess”) reportedly received a half-million dollar advance for this drivel, when there are so many well-deserving authors who struggle to make ends meet. Please, try their works out instead. If you need help, your local library would be delighted to offer suggestions.’

No major US media outlet included an official review of the book in its coverage. There was plenty of criticism posted online however, with many Amazon users expressing extreme disappointment in its ‘bland’ and ‘uninspired’ storyline. 

‘Boring preachy storyline and lackluster illustrations. Ms Markle is not a children’s author,’ one person commented. 

Meghan dedicated the book to Prince Harry and Archie, saying they make her heart go ‘pump-pump’, and wrote alongside a picture of a father and son playing with toy dinosaurs: ‘When life feels in shambles, you’ll help him find order.’  

But some readers called out the mother-of-two for penning a book about the bond between a father and his child when she is estranged from her own dad, Thomas Markle. Another added: ‘Ugh. She hates her father and has alienated Harry from his and she writes [a] kids book about fatherhood?’ 

The Telegraph’s Claire Allfree called The Bench ‘semi-literate’, writing: ‘One wonders how any publisher could have thought fit to publish this grammar-defying set of badly rhyming cod homilies, let alone think any child anywhere would want to read it. But that’s planet Sussex for you, where even the business of raising a family is all about the brand.’ “

For me, the nail in the coffin is the dedication: “For the man and the boy who make my heart go pump – pump”. What in the world does her heart normally do? It’s drivel. I believe that it takes plenty of literary skill, a vivid imagination, and great empathy to be a successful writer of children’s books. In the long run, brand means nothing.